i wonder how i’m gonna die. will i be shot because they’re jealous of my massive penis? car crash because i’m distracted by my massive penis? die of old age, i have a massive penis
- friend who lives hundreds of miles away: i made food
- me: can i have some
My idea of a perfect date is to share a 100 pack of chicken nuggets together and complain about everything we hate.
do you ever look at yourself and think ‘maybe I’m not that bad looking’ and then 21 seconds later you look again and you’re like ‘oh yeah lmao’
Is it just me or you don’t really realise how drunk you are until you are in a bathroom alone???
YOU KNOW WHAT? I REALIZED, THERE’S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST SPENDING YOUR DAYS IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER, CHECKING OUT TUMBLR. FROM NOW ON I’M NOT GOING TO WASTE MY LIFE ON THE COMPUTER!
*opens tumblr app on mobile*